Love these pictures!

I was thinking of my dad a lot today, and praying for him, and remembering all the things I love about him.  That led me into looking at some older pictures...and I thought I'd share these priceless shots that were taken in June, 2010, just before we returned to Asia. 

 This is my dad--loving his family, soaking up time with his grandkids, and wearing his Trinity t-shirt, of course!

 Everyone had fun making a silly face--except little Christin who maybe wasn't sure what was going on!

 Saying goodbye...

Chloe giving her famous kisses where she grabs both sides of your face and PLANTS one on you!

Aren't these just priceless pictures?  Go and grab your camera now and take some pictures of your loved ones!  It's worth it!  We are praying that we may see more and more of Dad's personality return in the next days and weeks.  I'd love to see huge smiles like these on his face again! 

Thankful for the wonder of modern photography...and the memories that it preserves.  Love it!

Wonderful News!

I just couldn't go to bed tonight without sharing some wonderful news that we received today about my dad.  The last few months, since his time at Mayo Clinic in December/January, have been relatively uneventful.  Generally he wanted to stay in bed, had no interest in the normal activities of life, and interacted very little with my mom.  She took excellent care of him, helped him with grooming and made sure he was eating well, but otherwise was not really able to engage him.  The occasional smile she would coax out of him "didn't reach his eyes," as she said. 

[One exception that was significant to me: I had called in early March to talk to Mom one night and Dad answered the phone--something he hadn't done for months.  I then talked with him about whatever I could think of, asked him a few questions, got a few one-word responses, and then told him some stories about the girls.  I shared how I had been starting to feel the baby move, and to my amazement, he replied.  "That must be good...to feel that sign of life there," he said.  That was the longest sentance he had spoken to me in several months.  I was so encouraged!  But later that seemed to be an anomoly--he hasn't answered the phone or wanted to talk since that night.]

Just last week they had some follow-up appointments at Mayo again, and there was some good news--the spot on Dad's thyroid that had been suspicious had shrunk in size, so no evidence of cancer there.  But another doctor who saw Dad wanted to hospitalize him, in order to get to the bottom of the difficulties Dad is having.  Are his problems primarily psychological (depression) or neurological?  That was the main question.

So on Monday afternoon of this week, Dad was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Rochester, affiliated with Mayo Clinic, and the doctors began to observe him as well as do some tests.  Over the last few days we've gotten some more news--the doctor who is overseeing Dad's case is quite sure of his diagnosis of abulia.  Abulia is a disorder that (as I understand it) comes from damage to the frontal lobe of the brain.  The doctors believe that during Dad's heart attack in January of 2011, because the heart attack was so sustained over several days (when Dad was stranded in our local small town because of a blizzard--they could not get him to the larger city to do the surgery he needed to stop the heart attack), there was a lack of oxygen to the brain that caused this damage.  The frontal lobe is what controls personality, social interactions, appetite, and many other factors that match up with the symptoms Dad is having. 

What does all this mean?  And why is it good news?  Well, first, it is a huge relief to have a diagnosis that seems accurate.  We just did not feel that the Alzheimer's diagnosis, given in September of 2011, was quite right.  Of course we as family are not doctors, but there just seemed to be so many things that didn't line up with that.  But this is especially good news because abulia is treatable.  The treatment is slightly risky in that they will try to flood his brain with large amounts of a dopamine-based drug (similar to Ritalin) that will stimulate his brain, and that will also put stress on his heart.  But they will be monitoring this, and IF his heart can take the chemical stimulation safely, there is a very good chance that Dad could regain some normal function again, particularly in the area of social interaction, life management (grooming, etc) and personality.  I am holding all hopes loosely, because we just don't know how his body will react, and there are no guarantees, but I am still encouraged and hopeful!

So, Dad will be in the hospital for the immediate future while they attempt to give him this "brain bath" and watch his progress carefully.  We are so very thankful for the Lord's providential care until this point in time--even bringing them to this particular hospital and helping the doctors put the pieces of the puzzle of Dad's case together. 

Mom is doing well and feeling encouraged, but prayers for sustaining grace and help are always appreciated!  Please pray for my dad as the next few days are critical, watching how his body responds to the treatment.  We surrender him again to the Lord's hands and trust His good plans.  Rejoice and pray with us!

A Far East Reunion

During the month of March, we had the wonderful opportunity of having a little Far East reunion here in Louisville, because two of our former teammates are on a stateside assignment and spent some of their time in Louisville.  They planned this on purpose, to be here at the same time, and it was wonderful that their plans actually came to pass!  We loved getting to see and spend time with everybody again!  Life has changed for all of us since we were last together, but the Lord is still faithful and good.  There's just something wonderful about being together with friends that really know you...the laughter comes easily and the fellowship is sweet.  Love these folks!

 Most of the crowd managed to fit on the couch to watch some funny youtube videos...we thought about busting out the 80s music in honor of our friend Brad, but didn't quite get that far!

 Christin and Savannah have always had a special bond, mostly because Savannah is so sweet to her and takes care of her!  They had fun together that night too.

 And, Becky and I had to show off our prego bellies.  There's a baby in each one! 

 B is about 10 weeks ahead of me...here I am about 20.5 weeks. 

 Climbing on Uncle Brad is always good fun, and he puts up with it remarkably well!

 The lovely M ladies.

 Dear, sweet friends.  So thankful for our friendship, it's hard to believe my daily life doesn't include seeing these ladies anymore...but still thankful. 

 There was a gathering about a week later to congratulate Brad on finishing his phd as well as say goodbye to the M family.  The kids had a blast together!

 One final hug for Alex, the one Clara Anne still insists she's going to marry...  (one of many girls who have been convinced of this!)

 And Becky and I said our goodbyes a few days later.  It's bittersweet--knowing the Lord's plans are good, trusting His ways, and yet having to say goodbye to dear friends is hard!  We are so thankful that we could have a little reunion here, the Lord is so gracious to let that all work out.  Hearts were encouraged, much laughter was shared, and the Lord's name was praised for this time together.  And who knows, maybe there'll be another Far East reunion sometime!

This life we live

Isn't it amazing that God gives us this gift called LIFE?  Spring air is flowing through my wide-open windows, the earth is coming to life again after the winter season, and my heart is full of thoughts of life and gratefulness to my Savior for another day to serve Him.  The fact that I am still alive, that I am preserved from serious illness, car accidents, tornadoes, or other calamaties; that my body is working well and even sheltering another little life...I am struck tonight by the miracle of the life that we have been given.  How much more the gift of spiritual life that Jesus freely gives to all those who will humble themselves and ask!  What a great salvation we possess in Christ!

Last week we were able to see clear evidence of the new life within my womb, and she is a girl!  Though she didn't cooperate during the first part of the exam and held her little legs together very modestly, she finally got jostled around enough that the ultrasound technician was able to get a good look and confirm, "It's a girl!"  Baby girl was doing all manner of cute things during the exam...sucking on her hand, having the cutest little hiccups, and then at the end of the exam we have a perfect profile picture of her lying on her back, hand to her mouth, and legs completely extended over her head--with her knees right at her nose!  The outline of her tiny calf and thigh are just perfect!  We were amazed and joyful to find that all looks well with our little one; she is right on track for measurements and is giving me little fluttery jabs even as I type.  The girls seemed to take it in stride that they have another sister--no cheering or anything, more of an attitude of "well, of course it's a girl!  What else would it be?"  What a miraculous process it is when the Lord knits together a new life.  We are praying for the rest of the pregnancy to go smoothly (I'm 22 weeks on Wednesday) and to be holding our new little daughter in our arms around the end of July.

I've also been contemplating life lately as a good friend from college recently had a daughter born still at 33.5 weeks.  She has been blogging quite a bit about her process, read and pray for her if you feel led.  My heart has gone out to her; though I can only imagine her grief I have been helped already by the way that she is handling it with godly grace.

As I write, my dad is back at the Mayo clinic for another round of tests.  His health has stabilized somewhat in that the weight loss has slowed down and he has seemed a bit more interested in life--rather than just wanting to lie in bed all day, he is getting up a bit more.  However, the bowel and bladder incontinence remains and he has also had frequent seizures which have led to several falls.  Thankfully he has not injured himself seriously by falling but has gotten some bumps, bruises, and gashes on his face from these incidents.  I am praying for the Lord to sustain his life and help us to find more ways to help him.  Or, as Chloe frequently prays, "Lord, thank you that Grandpa will get better."

And, tomorrow is a bittersweet day for our family as we remember again the birthday and passing of my dear older brother Dan.  We may try to watch the video of his life again as a family, and remember what a great work the Lord did in him and through him.  Even though the years pass, you never forget.  The sharp pain is gone but the longing of our hearts to see him again still remains.  Praise the Lord that death has NOT won the victory and that we will worship Jesus with Dan again in heaven.  Thank you, Lord. 

Though we had an unusually mild winter this year, spring has still been a welcome guest.  The dogwood, redbud, and magnolias are in bloom here in Louisville.  The daffodils and tulips are in full array, and the trees are greener day by day.  New life is springing up and the smell of spring is refreshing to my soul.  Wonderful!

Thoughts of life and death are intermingled with the daily and mundane, isn't that always the way it is?  So even as I contemplate and treasure these thoughts in my heart, talking them over with my Savior, I must still finish the dishes and get the floor vacuumed, complete the math lesson and help the girls treat each other with kindness and gentleness.  Lord, may I do it all with your grace!

Play Dates!

As I was sorting old pictures, I came across these from April 14, 2011 (nearly a whole year ago now, amazing!) and felt like they were too fun NOT to post! 

When we lived overseas, play dates for our kids were a fun and important way for them to spend time with other American friends.  Much of the time they were interacting with nationals, going to kindergarten, spending time out playing in our neighborhood, etc, but occasionally we would try to set aside some time to let them play with other Americans.  These friends became very close, very much like family--in fact these other families were our extended family when we were living there.  It is huge blessing to be with other like minded people, striving for the same goals, and it's even better when their kids are happy to play with your kids!

So, here's a glimpse of a play date that my friend Amy and I and our kids shared last April.  The peach blossoms were in full bloom at a favorite local garden/park area, and we dared to break the rules and sit on the grass to have a little picnic.  We even hauled all the kid's bikes there so that they could ride around and have fun with that.  It was a lovely day!  Just look:

The park has smooth asphalt throughout, perfect for my three beautiful biking babes!

 So good to be with friends!  Christin was being cranky and wouldn't participate in the picture...

 But Clara Anne willingly took this one of my lovely friend and me!

 See what I mean?  Cranky Christin.  She got over it soon, thankfully.  Sometimes we've just had one too many pictures!

 Our friend A could really speed around on his bike--very impressive! 

 The blossoms and blooms were a lovely balm and backdrop to great conversation and fun times together.

Play dates in Asia are always interesting--you may have to be a little creative to come up with fun things to do, but this day turned out wonderfully!  I was amazed that I could get all three bikes in a taxi trunk, the girls had a great time with their friends, and I was able to share some one-on-one time with Amy while the kiddos played.  And yes, given the nature of Asian parks (dusty dirty cement, plus they were climbing trees and fake rocks as well as playing in a sandbox)--it was bath time when we got home!  Worth every minute!

Family Day

When we lived in Asia, our family day was a really important part of family life.  Because of the nature of what we did, it was hard to feel like we could take time off.  Even leaving the city or "getting away" in on trips weren't necessarily the relaxing, idyllic times we dreamed of...usually the travel was somewhat stressful, sometimes a child got sick, spending days in hotel rooms cooped up with kiddos can be interesting...so as our years overseas went on, we found more and more that simply staying home and doing things as a family around town were the most rewarding.  We were able to rest well in our own beds, let our house helper manage the cooking and cleaning, eat out at some fun places, visit parks, etc.   And even though we only did a few of these extended "staycations," we did try to spend one day a week that was just us as a family, no work responsibilities or emails.  (We tried to not even answer our phones unless it was an emergency!)

For us that day was usually Monday.  We often started the day at McDonald's for breakfast, then if the weather was nice, made our way out to a park, the zoo, or a kid's playplace.  Later in our time in our city, Starbucks had opened, so that was always a fun option too--we'd take a game with us, drink some good coffee and stay as long as we liked.  We had lots of games of Toy Story 3 Memory at Starbucks throughout the spring! 

One day last April (April 4, to be exact), the weather was nice enough that we sat outside on the Starbucks patio on one of the busiest streets in our city of 3 million:

 This really only looks mildly busy...

Ahh, coffee.  The juice of life.

 Happiness is. . . cuddles on Daddy's lap and a free balloon.

 Make that three free balloons!

Looks like on this particular day we were playing Chutes and Ladders as well as Princess Uno.  Fun times!

So, though these aren't the "Goodbye" pictures I talked about yesterday, I thought since I was going back I might as well go waaay back.  Family day doesn't exist for us in the same way now since John works from home and is with us so much more.  We do try to take Saturday afternoons as special family time, but we also have some time on Sundays for those kinds of things as well as our regular family devotions and other meals, etc during the week.  I don't quite feel the same need for family day as I did overseas, it's just different here.  But I really appreciated the way my husband protected and prioritized family day during our life there--valuable time together is not to be underestimated!

Hope you enjoyed this glimpse of a typical family day!

Musings on my Asian life

I've been thinking a lot about our Asian life lately.  I think I shared before that I really missed being there for Christmas--it seemed so strange to be here in the States.  NOT bad, certainly, just . . . strange.   I mentioned this to John as we were talking late one night, just expressing my feelings at missing our friends, the food, and some other aspects of our life in Asia.  Maybe it was finally hitting me that, as Clara Anne so aptly observed about a month after returning to the States, "I didn't really realize how special it was that we lived there until we moved here."

Certainly there were difficult parts of living life there, and I'm not trying to minimize that, but I had really gotten through many of the difficult parts and really loved my life there.  Plus, I still have some very significant friendships there, which are just harder to maintain when I'm way over here.  And, it's no secret that I really miss my house helper--not just what she did for me, but who she is.  Her funny (sometimes quirky) personality, her friendship, her chatty dear self, is truly missed.  I also really miss the discipleship relationship we had--we frequently talked about life/heart issues and prayed together.  I miss that.

And, then there's the fact that my dear friend B is about to come back to the States for a half a year.  As in, they get on a plane in a few hours.  She wrote a really touching post about saying goodbye to friends and all the changes that had happened in their lives in the past three years.  (And still managed to keep it from getting too long!!!  How does she do it?  I'm always so wordy!)  I started to think, did I post pictures on my blog from our final weeks in Asia?  All those farewells, all the goodbye dinners, the trips we took around town saying goodbye to our favorite places?  Surely I posted all those pictures, right???

Alas, I went back and looked, and I never did.  That time was such a crazy time of transition, and SO incredibly busy (I never want to do it again, moving internationally is a monumental task, and if we do it again we will NOT be crating!) that I just never got to it.  After I realized that, it made me really sad.  It is like after almost 8 years in that country I didn't document and record some of those last, precious memories.  Now, I'm not trying to be melodramatic, there's always a possibility that we will end up back in that place, either to visit or who knows, maybe even to live again, but the fact is that I never posted all my "goodbye" pictures!

Determined to remedy this, I went through my photos and looked again at them.  Then it dawned on me WHY I didn't post them.  There are hundreds!  Maybe even a thousand!  Great photos, with precious people, in so many different places and situations, taken in our last few weeks there.  Oh my!

[insert deep breath]

So, this week I hope to post a few pictures almost every day.  I really want to record, even if it's just for myself, some of the relational journey that we were on those last few weeks before we moved back to the States.  It was an emotional, trying, stressful, crazy, beautiful, bittersweet time, and I think that will come through in some of the photos.  If nothing else, it's part of our family history that I want to record, even if I am about eight months late!  Better now than in several years, right?

If you've been missing Asia (you know, vicariously, through me, ha!) check back this week to get another glimpse of what used to be common and familiar to us, and now seems very special and unique.  Thanks for reading!

I have no pictures (today, anyway)

Another week has flown by at our home and it was a busy one!  My brother Mark and his wife Beth (some of my most favorite people in the world) were out of town and we had the joy of keeping their girls all week.  It was girls, girls, girls around here--lots of giggles and high pitched voices, a few tears as well, but on the whole, lots of fun.  My girls (especially Clara Anne) were really sad to see them go, even if it was just to their home across town!

The week was marked with some notable events.  Sunday morning the girls arrived about 9 and we headed off to a busy day of church, a quick lunch at home, then a trip to the History Museum which had free admission last Sunday.  We had fun looking around!  After a quick trip home and a very brief nap for me and Christin, we went to our small group which was full of other kiddos too--the girls played hard and loved being with friends!

On Monday the weather here in Louisville was just beautiful.  The sun was shining and there was only a very slight chill in the air.  We took the opportunity to play outside at a park (where there was only a tiny bit of mud but the girls managed to find it!) for the majority of the morning and then the afternoon was spent out in our smooth, lovely parking lot riding bikes!  My nieces can already ride without training wheels, and John took some time on Monday afternoon to teach Clara Anne that same skill.  And she did it!  It only took one afternoon and she was already riding like a pro!  Wow!  (but did I get the camera out?  NO, I totally forgot!--next time!)

Tuesday was my niece Annika's birthday, so I made cinnamon rolls (PW's recipe) for breakfast.  Unfortunately pregnancy nausea reared its ugly head again most of the day Tuesday so I didn't enjoy them, but the girls surely did!  Annika had a fun morning opening a gift from Grandma R, talking to her parents briefly on the phone, and then the girls had some playtime too.  We did our read-aloud, Bible memory, and morning devotion faithfully all week so all the girls have almost all of Psalm 150 memorized now!  We are currently reading E. Nesbit's The Railway Children and the girls are loving it!  It's a fun story and written in a very engaging style.  The rest of the day was spent in more bike riding, a play date with friends at the park, and then a movie for the evening--Dolphin Tale.  Fun!

Wednesday was full of home school in the morning and swimming in the afternoon!  The girls are making very good progress in their swimming lessons.  Marin and Annika are already pretty confident swimmers, but we all had fun playing in the water and my girls had their lesson, too.  I enjoyed being in the water too!  It is good exercise!  We had church Wednesday night and by this point, all the girls were pretty tired.  They had been sleeping together in the same beds and I finally wised up and separated them.  I think they just weren't very comfortable--it was a little crowded, and by Wednesday night everybody was getting tired and cranky.  So, we made up separate beds for the cousins and my girls slept in their usual places, and everybody did much better--nobody stirred before 9am the next morning!  Wow!

Thursday we were all ready for a day at home.  There was still school and plenty of playtime  (the girls love to play Chronicles of Narnia with their cousins and often call each other by their narnia names!) and then we were invited to a pizza fellowship in the evening for those who had lived in Asia or were hoping to live there.  So we attended and then I went to my cross-cultural ministries class.  This past week I just participated but next week I will be speaking about Asian worldviews.  I'll be working hard on that this week!

On Friday we had another full day, home school and then swimming in the afternoon again.  The girls are doing so great in the water!  I couldn't believe it--this was only their fourth lesson but the teacher already had them diving for rings (not from outside the pool but just swimming down from their spots at the edge).  It was impressive!  Both Clara Anne and Chloe can do it!  Again, do I have any pictures of swimming lessons yet?  Argh!  I will have to figure out how to safely bring my camera next week.  These last two times I swam with them so was all wet myself, not exactly the best circumstances to carry my camera in with me.

The girls had such a fun time playing this week, watched plenty of "What's in the Bible with Buck Denver," enjoyed their dressing up time, did great when I asked them to do school, and loved being together.  What fun memories we made!  We didn't get to do this kind of stuff when we were in China, so it was a real privilege that I don't take lightly.  We're very thankful for the opportunity.

Yesterday the girls and I went to a fun story time at a local bookstore and had a really great time with some other friends there too.  Mommy couldn't resist another E. Nesbit book (only $1.50!) and the girls all got a free book to take home.  Lovely!  We actually had a free night at home last night and spent it by having supper at a normal hour, doing family devotions, and then playing a game.  Uno Attack was enjoyed by everyone; it's truly fun and Christin can play as well as anybody.  I love the laughter and giggles that come along with playing games together.

John and are starting a new schedule--to bed earlier and getting up earlier, with time built in to exercise.  I think we are finally figuring out that there is never any time for exercise, so you just have to do it!  If we waited until the "time was right" or we "had time" we would never do it at all!  So, today was our first day (again) of getting up right at 6.  Now that I am not quite so desperately tired, I think I have to just make myself do it.  I did today and got a remarkable amount of things done before we left for church at 9.  I enjoyed having time to linger over my Bible/prayer time--that alone should be sufficiently motivating.  I got to finish my cup of tea while it was still hot, and no little people were asking for my attention that early in the morning, which was very nice.  There was time to ease into the day before being immediately needed.  Admittedly I'm pretty tired tonight but that's ok--I won't be tempted to stay up late, right???  :)

And tomorrow is a new week!  So, off to bed I go, thanking the Lord for His grace and blessing through this past week.  He is my sustainer and gives generously to all who ask.  Trusting Him for strength for a new week.  Plus, tomorrow maybe there'll be pictures!

Events of the week

I'm very happy to report that some of the pregnancy nausea and fatigue is starting to abate a little, and though I'm still not a bundle of energy, I am going to push myself and stay up an extra 20 minutes (ha!) to write and update all two of you readers on events in the Wind household this week.  ;)

It's been a busy week.  We have enjoyed some wonderful fellowship with friends and family this week (the friends being mostly from our church and the family being my brother Mark and his wife Beth) and the week has flown by.  I can tell that I am feeling a bit better because we added in some extra events this week that were very fun.

The weather has been weirdly spring-like, complete with singing birds, daffodils coming up out of the ground, blue skies, fresh air, and a smell of spring.  We'll take it, though!  In fact, it was so nice this week that we made an impromptu trip to the zoo just to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine.  The girls and I did a good amount of walking, and the highlight was seeing the baby polar bear play in her exploration area.  The polar bear cub was having great fun digging in a huge tub of ice cubes, playing with a plastic hoop, sticking her face in and out of the tub, stretching and rolling and generally really having a great time.  Across from her, in a separate enclosure, was a family of three grizzly bears who were also in and out of the water in their area, playing with some plastic toys, and swimming and splashing.  We watched the bears for a long time!  Fun!

This was the first week of class for the spring semester, and also the week that John finished his German class online.  It had been a task he'd been working on during the entire break, so he was so relieved and thankful to get his final assignments in and take the exam.  We have also been leading a discipleship class at our church for several Chinese men, and that was supposed to finish up this week, but two of the men couldn't make it so we will hope to finish next week.  

Also, I am now a part of a class for Seminary Wives called "Cross-Cultural Ministry." I will be participating in the class each week and speaking formally once.  This runs for the next six weeks, and I really enjoyed our first class last night--meeting the ladies who are taking the class and having a chance to help them prepare for life overseas. 

With school kicking into gear for John, we've been trying to get in a better schedule at home too.  One resolution I made this week was to start earlier in the mornings.  Now that I'm not quite as desperate for sleep, I have been getting up earlier and trying to start our school day right on time (8:30).  If we do start on time, we have no problem finishing before lunch, even if we take a detour or two throughout the morning.  If we don't get started, though, it's easy for the morning to ooze by and then suddenly we have lots to do when nobody is as motivated in the afternoon.  So, that's going a bit better, we still have more to learn though about keeping a disciplined schedule!

Date night Tuesday night was our turn to have a date, and we opted to stay home, order a pizza and watch the movie "Courageous."  It was excellent.  We could get it at redbox for a dollar, so it was a cheap and very inspiring date.  It's really a touching movie!  I was very impressed and the message and movie-making were both excellent.  What a fun date!

Our small group is gathering again with almost everyone back in town now after the break.  We are looking forward to time with these brothers and sisters over the next semester!  The fact that we were hosting last Sunday night was motivation for me to clean my whole house at once and have everything ready for guests--a good motivation!  And it felt good to have it done, too!

And, the big news of the week for the girls is that they started swimming lessons!  There are often swimming lessons offered at the seminary pool, but I had heard it was difficult to get in--not so many teachers, and tons of kids that want lessons.  So when I stopped by on Wednesday afternoon and asked about the possibility of getting into the next session, I was pleasantly surprised to find that there were still openings for this session.  The instructor had just arrived and asked if we could start that afternoon, in an hour to be exact!  So, we filled out the registration forms, ran home to get swimsuits, and were back in time for the girls' first swimming lessons ever.  Their teacher is a sweet lady named Amber and has all three of my girls in the class--just the three of them and the teacher.  (Since the girls haven't had lessons before, they are all pretty much at the same level.)  On Wednesday Christin was pretty hesitant to get in the pool, until Daddy offered a sufficiently motivating reward: new lip gloss.  After the promise of the lip gloss was made, she did get in and participate the last 10 minutes or so.  But today, she was in the water the whole time and really did quite well!  Considering that in times past when I had taken her into deeper water she clung to me with a death grip, she is doing great to even be willing to be in the water (albeit by the side of the pool) on her own.  I see the girls facing their fears of putting their faces in the water and that is so great!  Clara Anne has led out with a more eager, willing attitude (not exactly fearless, but willing) and Chloe and Christin are doing better and better.  Chloe did NOT want to jump in to the teacher on Wednesday but today she did it, no problem.  So, progress already!  We'll have three weeks of lessons, twice a week, and see where we end up from there.  I never had lessons myself so I feel like I have already learned a lot about the basics of swimming!

And then, there's me and this little one I'm carrying around.  I still have not been to a doctor, we have been trying and trying to get the insurance issues ironed out but no success yet.  Thankfully it doesn't seem like there are any issues and I think I may have felt a little "doink" kick a couple of different times.  Hard to say at this point though!

This next week my brother and his wife will be out of town so we will be keeping their girls for the week--and that will be a joy!  They play so well with Clara Anne, Chloe, and Christin, and truly all have a lot of fun together.  We'll do school, make a few trips out if we feel like it, but just generally enjoy the time together.  Praying for a blessing on Mark and Beth as they travel!

Last but certainly not least, here is an update on my dad.  I know that I didn't say much on the blog here after they got home from Mayo clinic, but partially that was because there wasn't so much to say.  After all of those extensive tests, they left still not knowing exactly what is causing Dad's issues.  Some doctors thought Dad had severe chemical depression, brought on by his two heart attacks, some thought he showed evidence of dementia (not necessarily Alzheimer's), and some thought that there were other neurological issues going on.  In the end, no course of treatment was decided upon other than that they are trying a new antidepressant for him.  Since Mom and Dad have come home, there has maybe been a very slight improvement in Dad's condition, but generally he still wants to rest in bed all day, have it dark and quiet, and has no energy for social interactions.  He is somewhat aware of what is going on around him (like when Mom's piano lessons start and stop) but is not able to interact with her much at all.  They will have followup appointments at Mayo in March and perhaps more will be done then.  For now, we are praying for wisdom, healing, and a better quality of life for my dad, as well as strength and sustaining grace for my mom.  We will wait and see what happens.

Well, there's the news from the Wind household!  Thanks for stopping by!

A few pregnancy notes

1.  Today was the first day I didn't throw up in the last 7 weeks.  Yay for progress!  Maybe I'm turning a corner and will truly feel better soon?  Nausea, my constant companion, I'll be glad to bid you farewell!

2.  The tummy is definitely pooching out in a major way.  My body snapped right back into pregnancy mode and I now have a round little belly hanging over my (somewhat) lower-cut pants.  I look five months pregnant, even though I'm only 3-ish!

3.  I forgot how much I miss my house helper.  My mother in law has been here these last three weeks, and has lent a hand many times with dishes, the vacuuming, tidying up, etc.  She has even helped me prep some meals.  We've had a wonderful time together, household chores notwithstanding, but she leaves on Tuesday.  Lou, dear Lou, where are you??

4.  The girls continue to be so very, very excited.  They are divided on whether it is a boy or girl but talk about it every day.  Clara Anne couldn't understand why we couldn't manage to have the baby sooner--like, later this month would work for her!

5.  I've been reading a bit from people posting about sanctity of life month, and am so touched and moved again when I think of the precious life that is being protected by my body.  How I love this little one already!  I'm so thankful for the technology that has allowed us to see into the womb with such accuracy and detail, and the resulting increase in pro-life awareness that that has caused.  May the Lord help us to keep on fighting for the protection of innocent life!

6.  Our names are now on "the list" at our church...the list of expectant parents that is usually about 20 names long.  The blessing of children abounds at our home fellowship.  There were three new babies born just in this last week!  One mother joked, "You know you're a member of Clifton Baptist when your 2.5 week old baby gets bumped off the new birth list!" 

7.  I'm thinking of cloth diapering this new little one.  In fact, pretty sure I'm going to do it.  Any words of wisdom for me from you experienced cloth diapering moms out there? 

Thanks for reading my random pregnancy thoughts tonight!  I'm off to bed (yawn).  Can't seem to rest too much these days!

Funnies from my Funny Girls

The girls have been full of funny quotables recently, but I usually laugh and then forget what they said!  But here's a few I did manage to remember:

On Sunday mornings after church Clara Anne and Chloe run to play with their friends as soon as the service is over.  They stay right in the sanctuary, but often I am not really paying attention to what they're doing since I am busy catching up with friends myself!  This last week, though, John happened to notice that Clara Anne was off in a little corner with a bunch of boys.  He asked her, "Why were you with a bunch of boys?  What happened to your girl friends?"  Her immediate response: "Oh, those boys were just following me around.  They like to be bothersome."  True enough!

Christin always seems to know how to crack us up.  The other day Chloe was telling a story at lunchtime and with a somewhat scornful look of perfect disdain, Christin said, "Really, Chloe?  Really?"  And of course she still pronounces the "R" as "W" so it made it even funnier!

Tonight in the process of getting ready for bed (anyone else struggle with long, drawn out bedtimes at your house?  No matter what I do, it always takes longer than I'd like!  Maybe it's just because I am so ready to get to bed myself!) Clara Anne said, "Mommy, do I have to change into jammies?  I find it so much more convenient to just sleep in my clothes, and then I don't have to get dressed in the morning."  She was perfectly serious but I insisted that she had to change. 

Love those funny girls!  They make me smile every day.  I am so thankful for these precious girls and the fun, laughter, and yes, drama that they bring to our house and home every day.  On Tuesday night, we had dropped the girls off at our friends for date night swap while John and I went out.  Unfortunately by the time we were supposed to pick them up I was feeling pretty nauseous and headachy, so stayed in the car while John went in and got them.  But when they came out and saw me in the car, everyone was excitedly calling, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" and even in my yucky state, their love and affection brought joy to my heart and a smile to my face.  Love you girls!

The Girls' Favorite Christmas Gift

On the night before we were going to head off to Iowa/Minnesota, though it was only December 18, we had a wonderful time doing a special Christmas celebration at home.  We finished the Advent Calendar, put up the rest of the ornaments on our Jesse tree, and sang Christmas carols.  The girls had fun with all of the special events and though the clock was ticking (and much packing still needed to be done), we told the girls we had one very special Christmas gift to give them.

What could it be?  We started a guessing game.  Everyone made an (incorrect) guess.

Then, where could it be?  Again, good guesses were made, but all incorrect.  Not in the stockings, not under the tree, not hiding under the couch.

Finally, John said, "All right, I'll show you.  Are you ready?"

"Yes, Yes," they all chorused.

John slowly pointed in a circle around the room until his finger finally came to rest on my tummy.  Without John saying a word, Clara Anne "got it."  Her eyes got as big as saucers and she launched herself at me, crying and saying, "Oh mommy, mommy, MOMMY!"  Tears were flowing as she exclaimed, "It's just what I've always been longing for!!!"

So she was crying, and of course I was crying, and Chloe looked up with an absolutely horrified look on her face.  What was everyone crying about?  Christin didn't really know what was going on either!

In a minute we all calmed down long enough to share with the girls in plain English that yes, Mommy is going to have a new little baby!  The girls had known that I hadn't been feeling well, but never guessed the reason why.  But recently they had even been mentioning, at random times, how nice it would be to have four children.  Chloe was learning even and odd in math and told me how great it would be if we just had one more child in our family, then we'd have an even number!  One time we were finishing up shopping at Target and the girls saw carseats and said, "Oh look Mommy, if you have another baby then you can buy her a carseat here!"  Things like this kept happening and so it was so fun and special to tell the girls that they will have a new little brother or sister, Lord willing!

I am about 13 weeks now and maybe, just maybe, starting to feel better.  December was a pretty rough month of only doing what I absolutely needed to do...I forgot, literally forgot, how crushing the fatigue and nausea of early pregnancy can be!  Nausea has been a pretty constant companion but I am finding that if I eat enough, and rest enough, I do feel better.  But it varies from day to day...last week there was a day where I took three naps!  Yikes!  Thankfully, it is all worth it and we rejoice in this new little one.  We are praying for a healthy baby to make his/her appearance around the end of July.  The girls are over the moon and have had fun gleefully announcing the news.  It was very special to tell our families in person over Christmas and we are thankful that all seems to be progressing normally so far, though I haven't been to a doctor yet.  Hopefully soon--we have to get some details worked out with our insurance, etc first.

Praise the Lord for the gift of life!  We are so thankful for this new little one!  (And you know, we might be slightly crazy too.  What are we thinking, going back into the newborn phase again!)  But this truly is a gift from God and I am very thankful.  Rejoice with us in His wonderful plan!  Here's a picture from that special night when we told the girls the news.  What a joy!

Back in Louisville

It's been a snowy day in Louisville today, a wintry mix of rainy sleet and snow.  We've had a good day inside staying warm--and a fresh loaf of cinnamon swirl bread just got pulled out of the oven.  Yum!

We've been back at home in Louisville since late Friday night, after two days of traveling.  We left Winthrop, MN (where John's mom lives), taking her with us on Thursday and had just enough time to eat a wonderful lunch at the Pizza Ranch in New Ulm before heading on our way.  We spent the night in Waterloo, IA, with John's brother Andy and family, and then got up very early in order to drive directly to St. Louis, where we met John's Aunt Margie, his father's sister.  She is 83 and still in very good health.  We enjoyed our lunch together and of course John peppered her with lots of questions about his dad.  Then, it was off to the Concordia Seminary Library where John wanted to do some research.  We finally left for Louisville about 5pm, and after a brief stop for supper, arrived home about 11.  All of us, especially my mother in law Ann, who was struggling with motion sickness, were glad to piled out of our very packed vehicle!  Thankful for the Lord's protection as we traveled many miles without any major incidents. 

It seems it always takes us a few days to settle back in to "normal" life.  Is it just us or does this happen to all of you too?  Laundry, sorting mail, stocking the frig again, unpacking, finding a new place for Christmas gifts...it all takes time.  We had a busy day Saturday with all of that and then a full day on Sunday with church and small group Sunday night. 

We've been easing slowly back into home school this week and the girls have done well.  We started a new read-aloud, called "Flight of the Fugitives" about the life of Gladys Aylward.  It is so interesting!  The girls are really enjoying it, and I am too.  I think the girls have been glad to have some routine to life again after the seemingly endless free time over vacation. 

The news with my dad has been mixed.  A new difficulty is that it seems that several of the major doctors involved in his case are now disagreeing about what should be done.  Without going into the complicated details at this point (I'm still waiting to hear what happened in his last few days of appointments), we really need the Lord's wisdom.  It seems that when doctors disagree, basically it is up to you as the patient to decide what is best, and we simply do not know right now what to do to help him.  If you have been praying for Dad, please don't stop now!  We are as much in need of prayer as ever.

I had to look up a recipe on my blog this afternoon and then got started looking back at old posts--always fun!  I have a new resolve to stay better up to date with my blog in this new year--to record the happy, silly, sad, funny, difficult, challenging, exciting and normal moments of our lives this year.  The girls are growing too fast, these days are going quickly!  I'm glad for the opportunity to share about life here.  Here's hoping for lots more blogging in 2012!

An Update from Rochester

John and I, the girls, and my mom and dad have all been here in Rochester, MN since Monday afternoon.  We are working on day four of appointments this week, after Mom and Dad spent about three days in appointments two weeks ago.  Here's what we know so far about Dad's condition:

The problems that Dad is experiencing--difficulty with processes or sequences, flat emotions, no energy for social interactions, weight loss of more than 60 pounds in the last 6 months, and other bowel and bladder issues, are NOT a result of the heart attacks that he had.  Various tests have been done and we have now finished up with the cardiologist.  There is scarring and some damage that was done to the heart, but the cardiologist felt that those issues were separate from the other, more pressing problems that Dad is experiencing.  His heart is not functioning well, but it does not seem to be a cause of the other problems--the cardiologist felt that the problems had an underlying neurological root.

As well, the endocrinologist found several "worrisome" lumps on Dad's thyroid and biopsied them on Tuesday.  He found that one lump was not a problem and the other did contain "abnormal" cells but they will wait to look at that again for 2-3 months.  So, we have essentially finished up with the endocrinologist. 

Dad did see a gastroenterologist on Tuesday and they have ordered a colonoscopy as well as an endoscopy, those (yucky, no-fun but necessary) tests will be performed next week.  However the gastroenterologist also felt that there was something neurological behind the weight loss, especially--they will do those tests just to make sure that there isn't anything physically obstructing his body from absorbing his food.

Another area Dad was seen in was psychiatry.  This doctor also felt that Dad's problems were NOT depression, but had a neurological basis.  Depression had been a previous diagnosis in the past months, Dad was even on some medication at one point, but this psychiatrist did not feel that was accurate.  However, he left a caveat in his report saying that if neurology couldn't find anything, he would take a closer look at Dad's condition again. 

We were thankful to at least have several areas ruled out, and all seemed to be leading up to the important meeting with the neurologist yesterday afternoon.  Mom went with Dad into the appointment, which was about an hour and a half long.  The doctor put Dad through quite the "tests"--draw a clock for me, it's twenty after 11, touch your right ear with your left hand, do this math problem, remember these four things (then asked him about the 4 things 10 minutes later), take off your shoes, stand on one foot, etc.  Dad actually performed very well in all of those things and cooperated well.

The conclusions at the end of the appointment were that this neurologist felt that Dad clearly does NOT have Alzheimer's disease.  He said that even patients with early-onset Alzheimer's could not have done the tests that Dad could do.  So, there must be something else going on.  This morning we are waiting for Dad to finish a two hour test of thinking and memory skills, and a PET scan has been scheduled for this afternoon.  This is a heavy-duty radiation test where they will add glucose to the radiation and watch how every cell in his body responds to the glucose.  There has been a mention of potential frontal lobe deterioration or damage in his brain, though likely it is not related to his heart attacks.  Hopefully the next few tests will tell a bit more.

So, though we may not be finding anything treatable, it is very good to know that this is not Alzheimer's, and that they are getting closer and closer to finding out what is wrong.  As well,  I think it is a matter of peace of mind for my mom and our whole family to know that we are doing all we can for Dad. 

After today's appointments, John and I will drive to visit his mom in Winthrop, MN, and Mom and Dad will head home.  Next week they will have to return for appointments on Thursday and Friday, but we don't know if that will be the last trip.  The internist who is overseeing Dad's entire case will eventually compile everything together that has been amassed from all of the various doctors and tests.  That appointment has not been scheduled yet so there is certainly more to come.

Thank you all so much for your prayers.  I am very thankful that we are here, in the States.  These issues with my dad were not even on our radar screen when we were feeling led to come back to the States but I am so very glad that we are here.  The Lord knew! And, I have really enjoyed my time with Mom and Dad at Mayo as well.  Mom booked a hotel with a fun pool and has been taking us out to eat all the time, so we're trying to enjoy the time together as best we can under the circumstances!  Mom had great fun buying (too many) Christmas gifts for the girls and last night we found a fun scrapbook store where she could browse for her favorite hobby.  I'm so thankful we can be together! 

We're trusting the Lord for whatever the future holds.  His path for each of us is unique but we can be assured that He is walking with us and loves us dearly, so much so that His only precious Son humbled Himself to be born into this world, lived, died and rose again to purchase our redemption.  Praise Him for His glorious grace!

Milk and Cookies

So....it's Christmas.  I should be packing.  Or washing dishes.  Or cleaning up the disaster-that-was-formerly-known-as-the-girls'-room.  Or finishing some holiday baking.  Or cleaning out the refrigerator.  (you get the idea).

But, I'm taking a moment to sit this afternoon and thought I'd seize the moment and post some pictures!

Yay for pictures!

This is a flashback to our fall music class, titled "Milk and Cookies" that I taught to my girls, my two nieces, and our friends' two girls.  We had a class of seven and the girls LOVED having Music Time each Friday morning.  I enjoyed it too!  (Though they may have enjoyed seeing their friends as much as the music!)

We used some Kindermusik curriculum and instruments that my mom passed on to me.  Such fun!  Here's a glimpse:

 Dancing to some music--the girls loved to dance around the big table!

 Doing some fun activities with jingle bells.  "Bells are ringing, listen to them ringing..."

 "I'm a little Teapot" was part of this particular week's line-up of activities!

 There was always a story time--here we are reading "Zin, zin, zin, a Violin!"  Fun!

We finished our last day by having some lunch together--corn chowder in bread bowls, and of course some milk and cookies! 

I'm so thankful that we could have such a fun experience with music this fall!  The girls (all coming from musical family) already did so well the the basics like keeping a steady beat, matching pitch, and things like that.  My only challenge was keeping them on task--it was so fun to be together with friends that sometimes they forgot they were also in class!  But the overall time together was very good.  We enjoyed it!

Contemplating Christmas

I just have to say it:  It's very strange being in the States for Christmas.  I feel a little displaced.  Shouldn't I be hosting about 10 outreach parties, baking up a storm, and planning our family Christmas and Clara Anne's birthday celebration?

Instead I am being bombarded with advertisements, feeling the pressure to do a bunch of Christmas shopping, and not sure how Christmas is going to play out for us this year.

Now, don't get me wrong, Christmas in Asia wasn't always easy.  The first year we lived overseas, we were in the hospital preparing for the birth of this little sweetie:

It was wonderful and precious to become parents on Christmas Day, 2004, but not exactly a tradition we wanted to keep up every year thereafter!  :)

Our second year we hosted so many outreach parties, including two on Christmas day, that by the time the 26th rolled around we were dead tired and John got almost deathly sick.  He was about as bad as I've ever seen him with the flu.  All of my plans for starting new Christmas traditions were scrapped in favor of tea and toast. 

By our third year overseas, we had talked a bit more about what we hoped Christmas would be for our family and come up with the start of some traditions.  We also had teammates by that point and so started some traditions with them, like this one, gathering together for a special Christmas worship service and carol sing:

As time went on, we did develop some of our own traditions that our girls love.  A special joy this year was unpacking all of the Christmas items and the girls squealing in delight as they remembered our Jesse tree, the cross-stitched Advent calendar, the wooden nativity set, etc.  We loved celebrating Christmas as a family on Christmas Eve and then reserving the 25th as Clara Anne's special birthday celebration. 

So, why does it feel so different this year?  One reason relates to my dad's health and my parents' situation.  We just are not sure what will be happening in the next weeks.  We are eagerly anticipating the appointment at Mayo Clinic on the 14th but what will happen after that is almost impossible to predict.  Also, we will not be in our own home.  We will be at my parents' home, which is even better than being at home!--but it will feel different.  The girls have already asked if we can take along our Jesse tree and some other special items; we'll plan to do that and continue some of our traditions that way.

I also feel, though, that there is more rush-rush-bustle-hurry in the States at Christmas than I had experienced overseas.  There's more pressure to buy, buy, BUY and even though we don't want Christmas to be just about buying things, it's hard to know how to deal with all of it exactly.  I trust this will be something we learn better how to manage when we've been here longer.  For now, our plan is to give the girls each one (nicer) gift which we will shop for together, plus a few small things in their stockings.  We'll see how it all turns out!

For the moment, I am trying to savor special Advent readings and Christmas stories, enjoy the lights and music of the season, and spend extra time in the Word as we contemplate the miracle of Immanuel.  Though I'm not doing lots of baking, and I only had one outreach party, I am thankful to be here this Christmas.  It will be a gift beyond price to be with my parents in this difficult time, and it is a joy to see my girls continuing to grow in their love for Jesus and their desire to know Him more as we read our Jesse tree Scriptures, learn Christmas carols, and remind ourselves of the truth that Love came down at Christmas. 

How about you?  What Christmas traditions are you looking forward to celebrating?   

New Life, New Hope

We have some good news to share from our home tonight!  Yes, finally some good news!  I haven't taken much time to blog recently, as we've been preoccupied with life, home school, some wonderful church outreach events, and most notably my father's rapid decline with Alzheimer's disease.  In the last month he has just gone downhill so fast, we've all been surprised and shocked.  He is mostly staying in bed, is having trouble grooming himself, and has continued to lose weight, among other concerning problems. 

But, after persevering through yet another several rounds of communication with various doctors, my mother has asked their local doctor to refer my dad to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN.  And, miracle of miracles, they already have an appointment!  Apparently there is lots of paperwork involved and various circumstances can take place that would prevent this happening so quickly, but we are so very THANKFUL that this appointment is scheduled, and only a few weeks away, at that.  Dad's case is very unusual for Alzheimer's and so the doctors at Mayo will do a very thorough examination and try to put together the whole picture of what is happening with his health. 

Praise the Lord!  There may be a new gleam of hope for my Dad physically.  I am so thankful!

And, we have a story of new life to share with you as well.  Tonight, as the girls were getting ready for bed, I was upstairs when Chloe suddenly came running up the stairs, crying.  At first I couldn't understand exactly what she was saying, but then it came out.  "I am scared about my life," she said, "if I will go to heaven when I die."  John was right there with me and began to gently talk with her.  She admitted that lately at night she has been afraid that there will be a fire in our house (we did a fire drill recently--taught the girls what to do in case of a fire, since we live in a different house now) and she will die.  She felt anxious about whether or not she would go to heaven and had been thinking about it at nighttime recently.

John had noticed that lately during family devotions Chloe was really paying close attention, and so tonight he just simply and clearly explained the gospel to her again.  She was listening intently and was able to answer his questions as he probed gently to get an idea of her understanding.  After a long time of discussion, she prayed, John prayed for her, I prayed, and Clara Anne prayed for her too.  It was such a sweet, sweet time--the longing and prayers of many years for our precious Chloe Rachelle!

Isn't the Lord good to us?  Isn't He so gracious to show us again the beauty and simplicity of the gospel message, so simple that a five year old can understand it, be drawn to it, and become His follower through it?  Oh, how my heart is rejoicing in my good and gracious Lord and His plan for my dear Chloe!

But you don't have to take my word for it!  Look at these joyful faces afterwards!

(Christin's happy INside, really, she is!  :)

Thank you, Lord, for your amazing work in Chloe.  I pray that she would love you more each day, and that she would grow in wisdom and stature, in godliness and the fruit of the spirit.  I pray that she would walk with you all the days of her life, that she would trust and obey you no matter what she may face.  Thank you that you have worked in her by your grace alone, and that you will sustain and nurture her infant faith to maturity.  I pray that she will find her joy, her rest, her comfort, and her purpose in you alone.  Thank you Jesus!  Amen.

Retreat!

This weekend I had the joy and privilege of participating in a women's retreat sponsored by my wonderful home church.  It was a first for me--though I've been to plenty of meetings and get-aways during our life overseas, this was the first time that I had been able to join in on something quite like this.  The retreat is over a Friday night and all day Saturday, with a speaker chosen to lead several sessions and then plenty of time built in for fellowship, fun, time in the Word, and even free time to take a walk, take a nap, or whatever you liked.  I enjoyed the mix of scheduled and unscheduled time.

I've written before about how important I feel it is to occasionally get away and retreat, but this was the first time I was able to do it in a corporate setting.  Of course, the experience of it was extremely different than a solitary retreat, but the idea is still the same--getting away from normal life and responsibilities for a brief period of time so that we can hear more clearly from the Lord and focus on His word in a different way.

The planning team had done a wonderful job, and thought of so many special details that made me feel so spoiled!  Lovely, crafty decorations, delicious foods, small gift bags placed on our beds, a wonderful packet to take home--it was all so beautifully done.  I was impressed!

I really enjoyed the teaching that was presented throughout the weekend.  The main theme was "Clinging to God's Promises" and the woman who taught has lived this truth as her husband is struggling with an incurable disease.  She had much wisdom to share that hit close to home as I think about the fears that are threatening our family right now.  She also helpfully provided a chart of many, many Scriptural promises and I hope to spend some time meditating through that list this week.

One wonderful benefit of the retreat was the opportunity to have significant, uninterrupted conversations with women whom I don't see very often.  There are only so many people I can speak with on Sunday morning after church, and there are some women whom I interact with much more frequently, but this was a chance to meet some new friends, connect with others whom I wanted to get to know better, and have significant conversations with several women whom I greatly respect.  I approached the retreat wanting to be intentional about conversations...not just chatting but asking "heart" questions and being willing to share myself as well.  It was just wonderful to have the chance to do this!  I got very little sleep, it's true, but I don't regret it one bit!  I'm thankful!

One reason I think those conversations are so important is because as I look back over how the Lord has worked in my life, sometimes He did significant work in me--changed a direction, convicted me of a sin, helped me see a situation clearly--simply through a very brief word spoken by a Christian sister.  Can any of you relate to this?  I could give a lot of examples but I won't go into long stories here...but the point is that I do remember specific conversations that the Lord used to change me, though those conversations may have even taken place in a casual setting, not a formal mentoring relationship or small group setting. 

So, I'm so very thankful that this weekend provided an opportunity to be with sisters in the Lord, enjoy great teaching and thinking on God's word, encourage one another, worship together, and rejoice in what He is doing in one another.  I took my camera, but was too busy talking (and listening) the whole weekend to take any pictures!  But, I'm thankful for the chance to go, for my husband who stayed and held down the home fort (quite well, I might add!), and for those that planned and really worked hard so that we could be treated to such a great retreat.  Thank you Lord!

And now, the challenge is to let the things I am learning impact me as I begin a new week and normal responsibilities again.  We'll be back at home schooling again tomorrow, working on character and habit training with the girls, and all of the other normal stuff that is part of daily life.  I came back from the retreat with a fresh conviction about persevering in training my girls in godly habits and responses.  We need a little refresher course, I think!  Things like "NO whining" and obeying right away, all the way, and with a cheerful heart, and also learning to clean up our messes when we make them...we'll keep on working to make those standards a reality again this week!  I'm thankful for His new mercies and will be looking for them again tomorrow morning. 

If you've never had the chance to go on a corporate retreat like this, may I encourage you to consider it?  Or, if it's simply not available (like for me when I was overseas), set aside a half a day and spend that time yourself with the Lord.  It's worth it!

Facing our Fears

Clara Anne, my sensitive, perceptive, imaginative, and lovely almost seven year old, has been battling fear recently.  We have been having a hard time putting her to bed at night, because she keeps on saying that she is scared.  She has been getting out of her bed and coming to ask us to pray for her, sometimes two or three times before she will fall asleep.  Sometimes she is crying already just a moment or two after we've left the room.

As we've talked with her, we've tried to find the reason for her fears.  Her answers have varied:  she doesn't like sleeping in the basement (it's too dark, she says, though we have a night light for them in the bathroom), she feels lonely being on a different floor from Mommy and Daddy, she feels alone in her bed (despite the fact that she is sharing with her sister), generally it's been things like this.  One night we had a rather longer discussion where she tried to give me her theological reasons for being scared.  It went something like this: "Mommy, when it's morning I feel gayful (yes, her word :) and joyful because it is light and sunny, but at night I feel so small, just like a little girl, and like maybe God isn't with me anymore."  When I asked, "Clara, why do you feel God isn't with you?  He promised to always be with you!", she said, "But Mommy, before there was anything, it was all dark.  God wasn't there when it was totally dark before the world was created."

I quickly corrected this theological error (No, Clara Anne, God WAS there, He just had not created anything yet!  He was there in the darkness too, forever.) but she seemed unconvinced.  Clara Anne was feeling the fear that we can all feel sometimes, especially the fear of not being able to change how we feel about something.  In her mind, if she feels scared, she's scared, and there's nothing she can do about it.

I can relate, as I've been fighting my own fears lately about my dad and his condition--Alzheimer's disease that seems to be progressing quickly.  There are so many unknowns as we look at the future, and there are certainly lots of things to worry about.  Fear is threatening to choke me, to steal my joy, and to reach its tentacles into every moment.  What will happen to Dad?  When will he need more help than my mom can give?  How will he get that help?  How expensive will that be?  Do I need to be with them or do I stay here and try to support from a distance?  What if something happens to Mom in the meantime?  Can they stay in their house?  The questions just go on and on...it can be so easy to fear.

But, we've been giving Clara Anne some very specific advice to face her fears, advice that we are reminding ourselves of as well!  One: she HAS to fight against fear.  She cannot allow her mind to get fearful and scared and then just give in to it, crying and making things worse.  We have repeatedly encouraged her to fight back with Scripture.  We are always memorizing Bible verses, so she can have a review each night as she seeks to put her mind on things above and not give in to fear. 

A second strategy for fighting fear is to be thankful.  When we are actively using our minds to thank God for what He has done, it gets us thinking the right way again.  Thankfulness and fear cannot coexist!  It's always a good exercise for me to force myself to list the things I am thankful for--I have to remind myself of God's goodness and faithfulness by being thankful, and this just chases the fear away.  We've told Clara Anne: "If you start to feel afraid, say 'NO!' to that fear and start to think of everything you're thankful for!  Make a list in your mind and praise God for your blessings!"

And, finally, spending time in the Word is really key as we face our fears.  We now are allowing Clara Anne to have a reading light on for 10 minutes after we turn out the light and she reads her Bible for that time.  She loves this and since we started allowing the light and Bible reading, she is sleeping much better.  She hasn't been up at all during the night this week and we are thankful that she is going to bed without quite so much drama.

Fighting against fear is so key for us as Christians.  Our lives can sometimes seem to be spinning out of control, but in reality the Lord holds all things in His powerful hands.  The "what-ifs" and unknowns can be daunting, but I am so thankful that He is in control of past, present, and future, and He can be trusted.  I do not need to fear, my Savior will give me all that I need, for my good and His glory.  I hope Clara Anne is learning some valuable lessons as she fights her fears as well.  I'm thankful that she is sleeping better and hopeful that she is putting down a marker in her own life:  Don't fear!  Trust God!  He is trustworthy.